‘I found out at 4 and half weeks that I was having my first baby, pregnancy was fine apart from usual sickness until 13 weeks and pelvic girdle pain at the end, we felt very lucky to have a low risk pregnancy. Don’t get me wrong: pregnancy was hard at times, work was very stressful and naturally pregnancy bought up a lot for my partner and I about how to navigate this change in our lives.
I started Candy’s yoga sessions at around 15 weeks and looked forward to each week’s hour and a half of pure focus on my baby. I found it extremely blissful and rewarding to connect with my baby away from the hustle and bustle of everyday life.
Around the same time I started to look into Hypnobirthing, reading the Positive Birthing Company book, which I couldn’t recommend enough. It blew my mind when I read women were choosing home births for their first babies and that they could take control of their birth preferences and even where/how they had their babies.
It lit a spark in my mind that perhaps I’d want to birth at home, but I was quickly switched off this idea by families worries that ‘it was my first’ and hospital was ‘safer’. So, I started to explore water birth and water as a form of pain relief. I came across a lot of information about high BMI in regard to not having your birth preferences honoured in a hospital setting, especially when it came down to having a water birth. My BMI is regarded as ‘high risk’, despite having no concerns throughout my entire pregnancy and delivering a very ‘average’ sized baby. I was reading that I would have to strongly advocate for myself (basically convince health professionals that it would be my risk to take on), that I wanted to use a pool and go to the birth centre. It made me feel uncomfortable, that perhaps my weight would control the birth of my baby if I were to have her in hospital. This brought me back to researching data around home births and asking questions about what it would be like to birth my baby at home.
I learnt about potentially having more time with the midwife than in hospital, having more of a chance of producing endorphins and oxytocin and having access to home comforts which would potentially encourage things along. I decided that for me, home birth would be the best option to feel in control, empowered and at ease. When writing this, I know at home is not for everyone – I would just encourage you to strongly explore where you’d feel most at ease because that oxytocin is so important!
I felt confident by 28 weeks ish that we had done the research to support our home birth decision. Our midwife was supportive but always informed us of the risks, which we knew of but don’t be afraid to question them as they should be working with the NIICE guidelines but bias naturally creeps in at times too. We are lucky locally as St Richards has a fantastically holistic home birthing team, so we didn’t need to worry about not having availability/support etc. Also I had my access to weekly yoga classes and a fantastic hypnobirthing course with Candy and someone who came to our house twice to finalise our birth preferences and talk through concerns. For me, I found this reassuring as I had a support network who were qualified in knowing the benefits and risks who I could rely upon and understand my body/decisions and future birth thoroughly.
I expected a ‘fight’ with health professionals, to convince them that my high BMI wouldn’t affect us. As I chose home birth I ended up not having to advocate for myself as much as I had thought, but I still was exposed to weight bias. I was offered a diet plan/health advice, which I refused. I refused to be weighed after initial consultation. I went for extra scans – my partner and I agreed we’d like to see baby more but quickly realised they were measuring baby (another load of bollocks). I had the first glucose test and quickly realised my body would tell me if I had diabetes, so refused the other two they offered to me. I was asked by a midwife to make sure I could get in and out of the pool and to practice this – tricky for any heavily pregnant woman even with a low BMI! I was referred to an anaesthetist by a doctor to ‘plan’ for a spinal block in case I had too much fat on my back to locate the right area – confirmed at the time that they would do this again in labour anyway. I asked to never see my BMI/weight as a number – something that was forgotten about and was written on many letters. Now I’m writing these examples just to show you that you can say no, you can say maybe or yes. The point is it’s your decision, you know your body and self and if you need extra information you can ask/seek this to help you feel more informed to make decisions that feel good for you.
So it comes to the labour: I was around 36 weeks when my mucus plug went and had just come on maternity leave (thank goodness!) I carried on like normal but was secretly hopeful and excited to meet my baby soon. The following week I had mild period pains, checked out by MAU and confirmed I had ‘tightenings’ but it still could mean weeks or days.
The day before I started labour, I met my friend’s baby, watched nostalgic movies from childhood, ate a delicious curry I still dream about, dates, pineapple, and even raspberry leaf tea! Sex was off the cards.. just how at 38 weeks pregnant, how! At 5am the next day I awoke to stronger period pains but I carried on like normal. I let my partner rest whilst I made myself some tea. In this time I felt a trickle and saw some more mucus and a little tiny bit of blood. The show! How exciting – it was starting!
I tried having a bath to ease the pain but oddly I didn’t enjoy the heat. I was then sick – I knew this was another sign so we called triage to warn the midwives of our home birth beginning. I can’t recall this phone call much but my partner suggested we had to convince the lady on the phone that we were in labour, so just be prepared to be ‘turned away’. However, I was supposed to be meeting my midwife that day for a tour of the labour ward (just in case!) so after getting hold of her, she said she’d pop by then (12pm) instead.
From around 8am-12pm my partner and I began setting up the room and pool. I even ate some strawberries and a croissant! It was a beautiful day so I did some walking in the garden and listened to my favourite chilled music. The midwife came and had to stay, I accepted an examination and I was 6cm! I was so proud of my body and thought I could do this! She helped me use a tens machine and checked on baby every 15 minutes. Another midwife came too and they set up in the kitchen, I could hear them chatting away. I got in the pool and found the water a dream. There’s a great photo of me eating a Solero in the pool whilst my cat watched from her cat tree. The time went so quickly and before I knew it my midwife was telling me that she had to swap shifts with another two midwives. I found the contractions manageable and listened to Candy’s yoga playlist on repeat. It reminded my body of calmness and gave me goosebumps that ‘it was all happening’. Throughout the day I refused more examinations but I wanted to check how many cms I was dilated before my midwife left as we trusted her judgement. I was 9cm at 5pm! I was thrilled. She wished us well whilst the other midwives came in.
The one odd thing about a home birth is, the way my lounge was set up: at the time I felt like I was a fish in a fish bowl being observed. However, you soon don’t worry about this as things ramp up! Contractions were very close together and lasting a while so I knew my body was doing its job but wondered why my body hadn’t felt the urge to push. The midwife suggested it may have been because my waters hadn’t broken. She suggested she could break them. As I was going for low intervention I was reluctant to say yes but in fact if I had accepted sooner I probably would’ve had a much shorter labour. We used our B.R.A.I.N learnt from Hypnobirthing and she broke my waters at 9pm which felt like a huge relief!
I jumped back in the pool and hoped for the best. I felt my sacrum move to allow her head to come down – an amazing but uncomfortable feeling! I felt the majority of contractions in my lower back but was lucky to gain relief from the rest in between them (something Candy reminded us often in our yoga sessions.) I accepted gas and air occasionally but found it disorientating at times. Around 10pm I was reminded that if I could push, to try. I think we all wondered why baby wasn’t quite here yet. This is when my doubt came in, I was convinced I’d have to be transferred into hospital even though I could feel how low and ready she was. I quickly reminded myself this was my transition stage and that I was closer to meeting my baby. Quickly after this I asked the midwife to pull her out! If only! I found the pushing the ‘hardest part’ and even though I had written in my birth preferences to not coach me to push, I welcomed being told exactly what to do. After a few in the pool with no success, my thighs began to cramp which distracted me from pushing. Frustrating for all of us! The midwife encouraged me to move and perhaps try out of the pool but it was hard to make decisions/movement especially with how much I had relied on the water this far. At 11pm I managed to get out, kneel by the sofa, and start pushing. My noise changed and I felt like I was connected to my inner cave woman. My partner and midwife talked me through it.
An hour and five minutes later, our baby girl was born. Healthy, average sized and safe. The midwife supported my perineum so I had no tears. I can’t praise the midwife who delivered her more, she informed us when we needed to, she trusted my body and was just incredible. I accepted the injection to deliver my placenta as I was naturally tired, whilst delayed chord clamping and skin-to-skin were achieved. My partner had her on his chest whilst I was inspected for any tears which was a special bonding time for them both. She was here; I had done it!
I write this 6 weeks postpartum, I feel lucky that I had this experience but also wish that others can too. I feel in awe of my body and mind. I feel grateful for everyone that supported me. I feel emotional but positive. I hope my story shows you can have the birth you wish despite BMI and gives you hope. My mind did change at points but that’s okay, trust your intuition and everything will be okay! ‘